you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
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It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Rumble strips road head = magical
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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