i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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