Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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