are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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