I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize