I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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