im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
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Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
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It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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