A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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