If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize