Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize