Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
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found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
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I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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