Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize