I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
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Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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