Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

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  (989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses. http://tfl.nu/7uea
  Replies (60) Good night (506) Bad night (3830) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.

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  (704): Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning. http://tfl.nu/47ow
  Replies (7) Good night (2589) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love

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  (203): i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love http://tfl.nu/fb9k
  Replies (4) Good night (3239) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.

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  (914): at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors. http://tfl.nu/h61j
  Replies (5) Good night (3490) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

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  (619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh
  Replies (9) Good night (4479) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

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  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19589) Bad night (1795) Order T-Shirt
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across

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  (918): Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across http://tfl.nu/uhsj
  Replies (11) Good night (3498) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.

  (979): View more from Texas

  I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.

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  (281): I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me. (979): I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys. http://tfl.nu/btxr
  Replies (23) Good night (5351) Bad night (1597)
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  (707): View more from California

  Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.

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  (707): Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car. http://tfl.nu/kt4h
  Replies (13) Good night (4135) Bad night (2142) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.

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  (925): Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip. http://tfl.nu/xswv
  Replies (4) Good night (1758) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.

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  (713): On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day. http://tfl.nu/dyk5
  Replies (11) Good night (927) Bad night (1608)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.

  (1-509): View more from Washington

  You had me at shuffleboard and strippers

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  (509): We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers. (1-509): You had me at shuffleboard and strippers http://tfl.nu/do6h
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I swear they were about to hook up!!

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.

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  (240): I swear they were about to hook up!! (1-240): I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot. http://tfl.nu/yhvp
  Replies (5) Good night (1681) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.

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  (610): You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me. http://tfl.nu/fg9o
  Replies (1) Good night (1045) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (914): View more from New York

  And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.

  (845): View more from New York

  I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?

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  (914): And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken. (845): I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa? http://tfl.nu/09c4
  Replies (3) Good night (818) Bad night (225)

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