Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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