I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize