The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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