even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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