Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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