Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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