so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
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Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
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