all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
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What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
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Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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