it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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