All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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