Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
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I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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