I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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