if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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