I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize