There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
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