My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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