Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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