My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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