I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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