soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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