I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize