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I want to make a zoo with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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