i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize