Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
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Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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