highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize