matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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