How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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