I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
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oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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