so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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