I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
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I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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