I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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