Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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