maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
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Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
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I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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