I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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