nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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