Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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